LET’S TALK ABOUT BOUNDARIES BA-BY

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOU & ME

Boundaries. With a rise in therapy-language, more people are becoming aware that there is a line we all need to draw with when to say “yes” and when to say “no”, whether it be to people, situations, or habits. But for some of us, cough cough maybe even most of us cough cough, knowing when and how to set that boundary can be incredibly difficult. There are a number of reasons for this, and below I’ll share a few of my (and others) personal favorites for helping to set, express, and enforce your boundaries.

Let’s start with 4 W’s:

Who: is this boundary for? Yourself? Someone else?

What: is this boundary going to be?

When: does this boundary apply?

Why: do you need this boudary?

Once you’ve got your 4 W’s figured out, you can move on to asking yourself how; how do you set this boundary? Most boundaries can be enacted in 2 ways.

  1. Spoken

  2. physical

  3. Both spoken and physical

While this may seem a bit self explanatory, understanding if a boundary needs to be spoken before it can be enforced can be a bit tricky for some. For example, if you’re in a situation where trying to speak your boundaries may cause more friction, it may instead be a good idea to simply leave or remove yourself from the conversation/ situation. However, it is important to note that any person or situation that does not allow you to voice your boundaries is probably worth limiting how much time and energy you put into it.

Don’t forget that boundaries aren’t just words, they’re actions. Much like when we are kids, boundaries are an example of “actions have consequences”. If someone crosses your boundary, you have to have a consequence in place to help enforce your boundary. Otherwise, they’re just meaningless words.

Now here is where the real work begins. You’ve figured out the 4 W’s, you know how you want to enact and enforce your boundary, but actually doing it has you hitting a road block. Maybe your voice shakes, or your knees shake, maybe you can’t even bring yourself to speak or act on your boundary at all. Your "how” has completely gone out the window. So what do you do now?

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. I am, like most of us, a human being who has learned a few things along. To quote an old friend of mine, “ Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.” Please seek the advice of a professional if you are seeking medical advice.